What are the qualities good guys (men) actually look for in a woman?

I got asked this on my fanpage about a month ago. Here’s my answer.

First off, you’re assuming I’m a good guy. As much as I can be a gentleman, part of me wishes I had the “asshole” switch. For the sake of this blog, I’ll just assume I’m a good guy too.

Every good man is looking for the same thing as every good woman: A good person. To be a good person, a human being has to have a strong belief in self. That’s step one: Know your worth. What do you have to offer a good man? What do you expect from a good man? What do you define as a good relationship? Oh and please…

BE HONEST! All of us lie to ourselves. We justify flaws and mistakes instead of accepting and realizing them. Realize the type of person you are. If you think everyone is wrong and doesn’t understand you, you are wrong. You don’t understand you. The least attractive quality in a person is a kind of naivety in self perception. If you think the world is against you and you aren’t Kim Jung Un, then you need to realize that you aren’t THAT important to the world. And it’s okay. Be honest with yourself about all your fears, anxieties and complexities and you will see them shrink. A problem only grows when you don’t acknowledge it.

Now that you’ve defined your problems, define your boundaries. Know what you expect from other people. Lay it out. The more vocal you are about your guidelines, you take away the excuse factor. Know what you will put up with and what will make you walk away.

Be realistic though. Everyone hated to play with the kid who wanted to make all the rules for each game then change them every time they fucked up. Each guideline has to come with a value and you have to live by them too.

You have to provide just as much as you demand. You would never pay top dollar for a shitty cup of coffee. Don’t expect someone to give you full respect for a half ass attitude.

Be a stable person. Love is an acrobatic act. For a relationship to work, each person has to be just as important as the other. Both people have to be able carry each other.

When you get a good person, next problem is keeping a good person. What are you going to do for the person you love? Why should they give you any affection? If you have nothing to offer, if you are unstable or if you are just selfish, then even you can’t make yourself happy. How do you expect someone else to?

Know your “overdraft fee”. Even the most patient and understanding person has a breaking point. What they put up with today is not necessarily what they will put up with tomorrow. You might get one overdraft cleared up. The next time, it doesn’t matter if its $100 or 10 cents, you got to pay up.

Actually give a shit about each other. Be interesting. Have common interests. Share new interests. Keep having things to talk about.

Know when to go away. Everyone needs breathing room. Everyone needs space. Being too needy is repulsive. If you can’t be alone with yourself, why they hell would anyone want to be alone with you.

Remember that the person you love will always be a separate human being. We are all experiencing life in a unique way. Don’t expect anything to stay the same. Change happens. The person you love might be Dr. Pepper fanatic today and stop drinking soda next week. Don’t make a big deal about these changes. We are all continuing to grow and hopefully for the better. If it’s for the worse, remember your personal overdraft fee.

To be a good woman, you just have to be a good person. Have common sense, have common decency, know what you expect, know what you have to offer and know who you are. You will be more confident, which might scare away most men. But you aren’t looking for most men. You are looking for one good guy.

Warning: I could be completely wrong, that’s why I consider this a theory. I’m not trying to attract good guys so I don’t care what they are looking for. I’m trying to figure out what loose women are looking for.

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