The Love Letter I Should Have Sent

My favorite part of it all was making you laugh.

It’s crazy to think that it all started when we caught each other’s eye. Maybe it was a quick “well, will you look at that”. A brief moment of pure wonder since not a word had been spoken yet. Not any idea of the cadence our voices carried. The chance that was taken felt like it happened right when it needed to.

And it did. It happened exactly how it should have.

That moment. That unexpected feeling. It’ll never happen again between two people after the first time. Unless it’s a 50 First Dates situation.

If I think of it now, warmth starts to build on the sides of my chest as air fills up my lungs.

The coincidence of meeting each other was so thin but felt so strong that it absolutely had to happen. God, it felt like the world shut down when I first met you. It was like everyone around us was living a life so far away from where we were standing. It was never planned out. Totally unexpected. Yet, it was exactly how it should have started.

As I got to know you, I took in more than you may have realized. It may have looked as if I was bored. I wasn’t. I was smitten. I always took in the lining of your smile. I forced my memory to etch how serene you looked when you stared off into space. I watched how your hands moved. How you arranged the environment around you. How your hair fell. I watched all your cute little quirks you did to entertain yourself. I was always in awe of how I was gifted the chance to know you and have you in my life. It was intimacy without sex and it often left me speechless.

I always knew when I was looking too hard. You’d catch me here and there.

Seeing you walk into a room… and all was right again. You were the perfect mix of enchanting, sexy, beautiful, smart and funny when I needed it. Best part was I didn’t have to ask for it. You would let me see it all.

Yes, we had moments that took away a piece of that magic. For that, I’m sorry. You amazed me with how much you put up with. At least we argued intelligently and never violently. We were always smart enough to know the initial anger was not worth the erosion of the little castle we built.

Does that make sense? Somehow it does because you’ve gotten used to the way I talk. The way I rant. The way I argue.

And I hope you know that I wish I could have avoided all those moments. Your happiness was always my happiness. I mean, my favorite part of it all was making you laugh.

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