Nick’s Theories – Why Hot Chicks Date Big, Goofy Guys

You ever look at a hot chick and think, “Damn, she has to be taken.” Then you see her boyfriend and you think, “Are you serious? That’s the guy!” He’s some goofy, tall, white guy with clothes that are a little too baggy, like an adult Dopey. “How did he get that chick?” Well, here’s my take on it.

Hot Chicks and Big, Goofy Guys.
The majority of hot chicks work hard on looking good. Even the ones that claim they do nothing take 10 minutes on perfecting that nothing each day. No woman wants a man who actually does nothing and looks better than her. Hot chicks and hot guys probably look great in bed but it’s the next morning that is more of the concern for girls. Who wants to be upstaged immediately when you wake up?

A goofy guy on the other hand is perfect. There are two responses that go through someone’s mind when you see a hot chick with her arm wrapped around a chump. We already discussed the first one. The second is, “Good for him. He must be doing something right.” Now, you may be tricked into believing this is a compliment for the guy but it’s more of a compliment for the girl. Women love to hear that because the underlying theme is “That girl is way too beautiful…” It’s a subtle compliment that a girl can enjoy without seeming vain.

It’s the equivalent of a father taking a picture of his son catching his first fish. Sure, the little boy is walking around with the prize but it’s the father’s equipment, training and encouragement that made the moment happen. Let the little boy walk around with the bragging rights. Women will introduce their goofy guy to everyone just to see the reaction. That slight double take is just enough to let her know her work paid off. Ladies, you want the ultimate Designated Ugly Friend (DUF), just date one.

Another plus side to dating a goofy guy is the rebellious charity aspect. The girl is showing everyone that she doesn’t care about looks, right! “As long as he treats me well, he’s cute to me!” She’s fighting the expectation of what society thinks her boyfriend should look like. She’s giving it to the man by fucking the ugly ones.

“See, I’m spontaneous! And I’m so nice to let this broken human being kiss me and hold my hand. I’m a great person! I don’t judge anyone, so there! Plus I can help him dress up nice.”

Women love dressing up their goofy guy because he will wear exactly what you tell him to. He will not argue. Women want to decorate and mold. That’s why they love painting and pottery. A goofy guy is not only a DUF, he’s also an arts and craft project.

No woman wants to ever hear, “Her boyfriend is way too good looking for her.” That’s fine to hear once or twice but if it lasts the whole time they are together, she’ll need to hook up with Quasi to remind herself that she can still be out of someone’s league.

Okay so why tall? That answer is simple. Women love tall. It makes them appear cuter. They get to kiss up.

Goofy guys also make a girl seem cooler. How? By dancing. Goofy guy dancing is so popular there are endless Youtube videos dedicated to it. Dancing is really meant for women to show off. They get to look sexy and limber. The ultimate show off is to have a lesser opponent next to you to enhance how great your performance is. You want to look like a great football player, only play with babies. It may not be fair to the toddler but no one can deny the score.

Girls can also let their goofy guy walk around a club with no worry. “C’mon, who’s he going to talk to? I’m hot and he’s goofy!”

The other side to the story starts in middle school. When human start to realize they are attracted to other people is a strange moment. Especially since everyone seems to be in love with the same select guys and girls. Every school has the one hot guy every girl is nuts over. He has his pick of the litter and he tears through the pack with no concern for girls’ futures. He has no clue he will be giving them a complex that will root so far into the subconscious it sits next to remembering to breathe. All he knows is he is the hot guy and his fingers will be wet all through high school. He ruins the opportunities of any guy that follows. Girls start feeling bitter towards the pretty boy, which is great for goofy guys. If they can just make it out of high school without shooting anyone, they will get all the disturbed hot chicks they want.

Goofy, tall, white guys! What does race have to do with it? In this case it’s not all about race in a cultural sense. It’s more about race in a grand total. The US is full of goofy, tall, white guys. If goofy, tall, white guys were a source of crude oil, gas would be -15 cents a gallon. Anywhere you go, you will find a goofy, tall, white guy. Especially in neighborhoods they don’t belong in. Because they know hot girls in the hood are looking for them. If you are any kind of ethnic girl, you especially love goofy, tall, white guys because you can teach them your culture. You can train them how to act around your family. You are introducing them to a new way of life. How great would it be to mold a vase, paint it and then introduce it to your kind of food. You are almost a goddess at that point.

Now for a point that isn’t considered. The biggest reason you see hot chicks with goofy, tall, white guys is because goofy, tall, white guys have a large quantity of confidence. Goofy, tall, white guys have a lot going on for them in the US. Plenty of them are in charge and love nothing more than putting other goofy, tall, white guys in charge too. Finally, they hook up with hot chicks as long as they ask. Wouldn’t that make you feel good about yourself?

My last point is more of a comparison. I believe goofy, tall, white guys are the Chihuahuas of types of men. They provide the same aesthetics. Chihuahuas aren’t hard to take care of, they attract instant attention and they are completely disposable. No one is ever really attached to their Chihuahua. Any case of a lost Chihuahua results in the same feeling. You feel upset for a week and then you get a new one. They are everywhere… just like goofy, tall, white guys.

So that’s my theory. Enjoy it.

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