I do wonder if I’m confusing. (But aren’t we all?)

My personality feels right but rigid.
There’s times I try to be cool but I come off frigid.
I open up when I’m in lights but feel uncomfortable in crowds.
I dream about reaching new heights but rarely out loud.

I play with insults for sport
I take my ideas to court
I’ve felt love of all sorts
But seen her beautiful face contort

With the look of confusion and hurt
Mixed with doubt and disbelief
On top of fears proven
And crushed by that proof providing no relief.

I’ve hurt people with my silence.
Broke moments without violence.
Then go back in my head and apologize
But even I wonder if those apologies are just…

If they are just doing a disservice to all apologies ever spoken.
If I want them to feel better or I’m better off leaving it broken.
If I’m not meant to be more than just a moment.
One that is fun to lease but not looking to own it.

I guess I’m confused by my own worth.
I know I deserve myself.
I’d rather hurt myself
Then keep confusing anyone else.

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