How Men are Smarter than Women – Nick’s Theories

I’ve been meaning to make this a video but screw it, I’m writing it out. I’ve only performed part of this onstage once. Here’s my theory on how men are smarter than women… by percentages.

Now I’m going to have a disclosure before I continue. There are just as many smart women as there are smart men. That’s a given. I’m going to prove there are more dumb women alive than dumb men.

Men are idiots. Most of us self proclaimed. That’s the best scapegoat to learning something. Admitting you are an idiot. A man has no problem being dumb. Sure, there are men that are sensitive to criticism but we are raised with the understanding that we are idiotic and stinky. Knowing this is an advantage since we can only go up from there. When you know you are at the bottom, you know you can take yourself higher.

Women are raised to believe they mature faster than men. This is true physiologically but not intelligently. A woman doesn’t learn faster than men. A first grade girl is not studying algebra while a first grade boy is coloring squares. Our education system is pretty linear. Also, women don’t go through life hardships before men do. We all pretty much even out there. The biggest problem with the “mature faster” belief is that women have to live with that stipulation. Women are raised to believe they have to be smarter than men. They need to already know more because they are female. So they take criticism harder. They don’t like admitting faults right away.

If you are told you are supposed to be smart, the tiny moments of failure become a bigger embarrassment than necessary. Women tend to analyze problems internally more often than men. They would rather figure out every scenario on their own than ask for help right away. A more mature person should be able to figure it all out, right? Meanwhile, idiots just admit that they can’t do certain things. It’s so much easier than spending hours figuring it all out. Not all women, just like not all men, are mature and smart off the bat. The quicker you realize you have a lot to learn, the quicker you listen for the lesson.

Now lets take it to the household. Back before women’s rights, the household had very distinct roles.
Man Then– Go to work, fix the car, cut the grass! Man Work!

Women– Stay at home, cook, wash clothes! Women duties!

Then the World Wars happened. Women took regular jobs and started to taste independence. They wanted equal rights! Yay! It was great!

Women also started to demand that household duties be split more evenly. So men took on more tasks.

Man Now – Go to work, fix the car, cut the grass, wash clothes, cook, etc.

Most men can handle basic duties. The women could take a break. Unfortunately, most men did not demand the same exchange of duties from women.

Woman Now – Go to work, cook, wash clothes, paint.

And I know, some girls are saying, “I know how to cut grass.” I’m not talking about you, I’m talking about the lazy women. The ones that don’t know how to change a tire, the ones that give up when they are locked out of a house. There are women that go their whole life without ever learning how to check oil. There are few men that don’t know how to handle an iron. Although women became independent and are equally represented in the same career fields as men, they also became too busy to learn simple tasks. Which is fine because you can pay someone to do it. Usually a man.

Quick Intelligence Question: Without using Google, do you know what happens when your computer defragments files?

Next: Conversation. Neither men or women talk more than the other but the topics usually vary. Men tend to talk more about tips and shared info. Where’s the best discount tire places, how to clean corrosion off your car battery with coca cola, etc. Yes, we gossip but many of our conversations are about what to try in the future. Eavesdrop on a chick’s conversation and usually it’s about the past. Past relationships, past arguments. Past Past Past!

How many women have a friend that just can’t get over stupid problems of the past? How many times do you keep your tongue bit and just let them vent? That’s not good. In order for a human being to better themselves, they have to know they are in the wrong and how to fix it.

Here’s another angle.

When a man has a problem, he may have a sympathetic conversation or two. If he talks to a female friend, she might console him but she’ll let him have it if it goes to far. If he talks to a male friend, he will be made fun of for his problem and instantly will be told he needs to get over it.

Now, when a woman has a problem, there is an unlimited amount of sympathy she can seek out. If she talks to a female friend, she will console her and console her then maybe let her have it but not too hard. If she talks to a male friend, he will never let her have it. He will play the role he thinks she wants him to play. He’ll offer to handle the problem himself. No room for improvement. Stupid men and never wanting to let go of the “consolation sex”. We don’t know if it exists but we believe there is sex for ever occasion and solution. Make up sex, angry sex, breakfast sex, that was a great movie sex, etc. We don’t want to upset a girl we want to fuck.

Finally and probably the best point of my case. This is the part I’ve said onstage. Men are smarter than women by percentages because dumb guys die more often than dumb chicks. A dumb chick has a longer life expectancy. No one asks a dumb girl to do anything. She can go her whole life being taken care of if she wants to. Dumb guys are asked to do the most dangerous things. Go search for bombs, go light a bonfire. Dumb guys will never be taken care of. People want them to figure it out. If we lose a couple of dumb guys in the process, who cares, they were dumb anyway.

A dumb chick can find some guy to worship her if she plays her role right. She doesn’t even have to be hot. A dumb guy better be a chiseled masterpiece if he expects VIP treatment. If he has something wrong with him (big ears, ugly teeth, even torn up shoes), sorry buddy, you are next to worthless. Get some talent.

If you are easily upset about death, skip the next few paragraphs and be happy you got out of this early.

Now lets analyze suicide. Although women attempt suicide 4 times more than men, men accomplish it twice as much as women. And suicide is pretty dumb. If you have committed suicide successfully, you’re an idiot. You did nothing for the world but really fuck up the ones that loved you. No one else cared. Life is rarely that difficult to have to kill yourself. So dumb guys are more successful at killing themselves than dumb women.

Which brings us to gangs. People who join gangs are pretty much dumb. Most gangsters start young and don’t realize that life isn’t that serious. Gangster guys end up shooting other gangster guys. So dumb guys kill not just themselves, but each other too. As for gangster girls, their role usually consists of getting pregnant and raising dumb kids.

And the final point to my final point, dumb guys end up in more drunk driving accidents than dumb chicks. If a dumb chick gets drunk, she will have plenty of volunteers to help her get home safe. Maybe not her home but a home. It starts with her group of chick friends then goes to her group of guy friends then if those fail, some creepy dude. She has plenty of choices and she should take the ride.

A dumb guy gets drunk, he’s pretty much fucked. He has his group of guy friends. He would have a group of chick friends but lets be honest, most chicks don’t like dumb guys much less dumb drunk guys. And there is no creepy guy option either. So a dumb guy usually ends up driving himself home. Men are 4 times more likely to drive drunk than women. Still not enough proof. Lets analyze high profile cases. Lindsay Lohan multiple DWI and still out there. Ryan Dunn… done.

So lets wrap it up. If you take 10 men and 10 women, 5 smart and 5 dumb, and followed their lives for 10 years, 1 dumb chick might end up really hurt but at least 3 dumb guys will die. Then you take the percentage of smart men vs dumb men and do the same for smart women vs dumb women, the percentage of smart men will be higher than the percentage of smart women. So even though there is an equal amount of smart men and women, there are way too many dumb chicks that live to die of old age.

Now remember… this is just a theory. Not a proven fact. I might be completely wrong. I’m probably going to get laid less because of this which makes me a big idiot but I’m willing to learn. 🙂

If you guys like this, then I’ll let you know my theory on why so many hot chicks date dorky, white guys.

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8 Responses to How Men are Smarter than Women – Nick’s Theories

  1. Pingback: Are women smarter than men? « nathansutherland

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