Behind every man… is someone waiting to cockblock.

Cockblockers come in all types and we all know of the more obvious ones. But there is one type that uses a move only obvious hours after the strike. Lets just call this type the Happy Helper.

The Happy Helper is at every party. They like to walk around with a ringmaster swagger. They enjoy initiating toasts, dance breaks and drinking games yet they don’t stick around to finish their own schemes. Now, this person is perfect for random fun but if you are talking to someone, stay out of the sight of the Happy Helper. The minute Helper runs out of ideas, they will walk up to your little conversation and say any of the following things:

“You two should make out.” “Stop lying to each other.” “He wants to fuck you.”

The abrupt push usually makes the conversation instantly awkward. Then just as they drop their little bomb, the Helper takes off to open up the last bag of chips, offer some to the person standing nearby and leave the bag sitting open on the table.

The Happy Helper is the President of Stale. They can’t have anyone being wittier or cooler than them so they turn on the karaoke machine, set up Mario Kart tournaments, mention the mini pizzas just sitting in the freezer, anything to be the first to come up with an idea. So when they point out two people who are having a connection, its under the guise of being the cool friend but it really is only to claim a little bit of ownership of the potential hook up idea.

We all have Happy Helpers in our lives. Let’s put a stop to them. Keep them away from your Wiis and your wee wees. If you have any tips on how to deflect them, let me know.

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